stress much?

So yesterday it happened.  I was waiting for it...and it wasn't coming.  I was a little nervous wondering WHY I hadn't had that freak-out moment and wondering when it was going to hit me like a rabid rhino.

Just an average afternoon it was morphing into...the girls were enjoying some lazy time, which I have gladly welcomed this last week of summer.  Next week kicks off the beginning of non-stop movement.  I have been strategically getting myself organized (slowly and figuratively)...putting my plan in order, if you will.  Reading, responding and sending out my emails...

I totally got this!

Except.

Now I'm making decisions.  Decisions.  Decisions that people can be critical about and that I have to answer for.  I can't just say whateeeever I want, then again, I just may...but I'll answer for it!

Holy responsibility batman. I'm not sure I'm mature enough for this???

And I feel it.  My attention tunes out and my brain goes to white noise.  My heart races and I start sweating, my arms go numb, I need air, but there is no air, I am going to hyperventilate.  This is GO time. 

And this is when an amazing thing happens.  I just recognize. I recognize how little I am in this big-big world.  And how 'most' every thing I do is a motion to make something better.  I give so much of myself to service, volunteer work and I am passionate.  And if people want to be critical...well then I might be angry and I will most likely cry; and then I will pull my big girls pants up and I will move on.

This is when I stop, close out my three email accounts.  Shut the 17 calendars I have open and take a few deep breaths.  I eat a pop tart (carbs - good.)  I make myself some tea and I take some more deep breaths.  And then, I decided the best thing for me to do in that moment was to channel that emotion and energy into sending some encouragement to a friend back home who is struggling with all that she's navigating on her plate.  And perspective returns to me.  I can breathe again.

And so I took my girls shopping.  A little dysfunction keeps us healthy, I always say.