and that's a wrap.

Republicans weep across the nation.  The election is over and Obama is still in the house.  Literally and figuratively.  I had my doubts that Mitt Romney would be able to swing it...I think maybe he's a bit of a mystery to the American people.  We talk of the American dream, but is it really attainable while maintaining a squeaky clean life???  Couldn't be, some may say.  I think it's so rare, that some think it doesn't exist anymore.  Add that to the ever diminishing conservatism within our society and a (let's face it) very charismatic chameleon of a President and it was over before it even started.  The evening started so hopeful and energetic, only to be replaced with that sinking feeling while you watch the results unfold.  Truth be told, I felt that Mitt Romney had a hard time connecting with the average American and communicating his concepts and theories.  He is a business mastermind...socially-awkward shouldn't be such a shocking trait.

I have been watching the posts over the past 12 hours...some express joy, others express disappointment...even anger?  Some feel fear... And yet others, even Romney supporters, are still hopeful.

We are told the times will get worse. We are told that good will be called evil and evil will be called good.  And we are told to prepare.  I'm not a doomsday prepper, as some might call themselves, but I have my share of anxiety.  Do I think something catastrophic will happen that will bring the apocalypse to pass...that would certainly be an act of God and I think no matter how we prepare physically and temporally, the goal there will be to have prepared spiritually...that's a completely different post, not even going to touch it!  The truth is.  I love my husband and my children so much that I would go to great lengths to keep them healthy and secure.  If we are in any sort of situation (hello restore the shore) where my family is cold and hungry - it would absolutely destroy me.  That, in essence, would be my own private Hell.  It brings my heart great comfort to know that we have prepared, that we taking precautions.  We live in a place that has been hit by devastating storms, last year was mild...but the talk about town is that this is going to be a tough winter.  What is the harm in preparing for an emergency situation?  Zombies...probably not.  Ice storm...absolutely. 

 

Maybe it'll work out, maybe not.  But for right now, we are healthy and happy.  For now, we support our local government and we teach our girls about life, love and liberty.  We teach them that red, white and blue still means something and when there is an opportunity to vote...you VOTE.  To prepare for the worst and hope for the best.  To love and respect our Savior and seek faith over fear.  As for the bridges, we'll cross those when we come to them.

confession.

This is a little awkward to admit.  But when I turned down Spears Corner Road this morning, to drop Ella off at school, I saw the road was packed with parked cars for the voting station.  Immediately my heart swelled and I was overcome with emotion.  People DO still care.  I don't know which way it will go, but I'm thankful for people who embrace our democracy and exercise their right to vote.  Furthermore, our country is in less than optimal condition right now.  I'm thankful for those who are brave enough to step up and face adversity and start a movement for change. 

I pray for our country.  For those who fight for our country.  And for our beloved Constitution. 

november?

Well, it's dangerous to write when one is feeling emotionally raw...but I'm seeking the therapeutic benefits of writing, so I'm gonna go with it.

Every time I look at the calendar I have that dreadful moment of realization.  Summer is over and it's NOVEMBER!  ...I feel like the last thing I remember writing was "I totally got this..." and I was making popcorn with marshmallows and then WHAM!  Reality checked in...and just like that, months passed in what felt like just a weeks time. The holidays are just around the corner! And with that, let me just take a walk down holiday lane here for a second...last year we were so busy that by the time the holidays were over,  I was so stressed and overwhelmed that I barely took the time to enjoy ANY of it!  I didn't have time (or the patience) to make Christmas Cookies and decorate them with my girls...I didn't make little goody baskets for our wonderful neighbors who were amazing that first summer we were moving in (and who still are quite amazing...holy lucky)...we didn't go see the Nutcracker like we had planned!  I was so stressed I didn't even WANT to go to our ward Christmas party (which I was glad I did...)  No wonder our society is plagued with diseased...what good is a life if one is too busy to enjoy it???...this is why people have to go on a secluded personal journey to the Himalayas to figure out the "great meaning of life" Quite simply, they go OFF the grid because if you stay ON the grid...the grid will kill you.

The two sanity-seekers I had promised myself were my blog and my diet & fitness goals.  Both have gone flying out the window.  I maintained the diet, not so much the fitness...and I've plateaued, but I am terrified I will lose all ground I have gained (enter in straight-jacket)  For some reason this time of year is especially hard for me in general, I'm not sure what it is about the Fall.  There are traditions of Autumn that I have grown to love...apple picking as a family and now making batches of  the apple butter recipe Grammy Margaret & I found.  Putting away the summer gear and pulling out the sweaters...those first few batches of hot cocoa and the first few fires, sure, all warm and cozy-like.  However, there's also a dark side to Autumn's approach.   What happens, is I seem to slip into a pit of discontent.  I take on the form of the devil and I hate everyone & everything.  WHAT is that all about???  Maybe this is why people do the whole "gratitude" thing where every day they list something they are grateful for...it's neat...but I just tend not to jump on every facebook wagon that strolls through town.  I get so sick of every single 'repost if...' 'like if...' 'play this game...' 'save the rainforest while you feed the goats on your farm...' Oh really...just go F^!* yourself!

Oh to be sane and cheerful every day.

marshmallow popcorn much?

Ok, so I really should weigh 300lbs!  No wonder I've been having to work so hard to shake this booty off...I absolutely LOVE food!  I love cooking for my family and I love cooking with my husband and now that my girls are getting older, it really is becoming so fun to cook with them as well.  Unfortunately, with our insane schedule and my rigid eating schedule, I don't indulge as often (good  thing) but I'm also not cooking as often (bad thing)

So adding another stop to my marathon to perfection...finding the happy medium.  Where is that exactly?

Last night I made my girls one of their favorites.  Marshmallow popcorn.  I don't have exact measurements, but I find they aren't really needed...

I start with popping popcorn kernels in a pan, the good old fashioned way, with a little bit of vegetable oil.  I dump the popcorn in a bowl, then I melt a teaspoon or two of butter in the pan and dump in a few cups of marshmallows.  Once it gets all warm and gooey, I dump the popcorn back in the pan and mix it all up.  You can make popcorn balls if you want to, but I just mound it into individual bowls and sprinkle with cinnamon & sugar. 

Voila!

But alas, it was past 6pm...and I had none.  sad face.

semi homemade.

Last night I dedicated the evening to cooking with my girls.  I find it more than a little ironic that I strive to be a stay-at-home mother, but I'm so busy I'm missing out on the teachable moments.  So, we made dinner together and we loved every minute of it!!  The Lasagna rolls were delightful.... I even ate the garlic bread!!!  THEN...we made semi-homemade donuts.  My kitchen was turned inside out, but it was such a fun evening, it was well worth the clean up.  The only downfall, I'd have to say, between the lasagna, the bread and the donuts (that I just may have smeared a nice thick layer of chocolate frosting on...) I was so sick to my stomach, but I'll own it... it was a fantastical barf worthy night!!!

http://www.makeandtakes.com/semi-homemade-donuts

we didn't use the sugar glaze, but I'll file it away for future nights of indulgence such as these!

http://www.myrecipes.com/recipe/powdered-sugar-glaze-10000001023815/

...and to top it all off, the scale didn't even budge this morning!

BEST diet EVER!

orange chicken delight!

Consensus is...we LOVE the orange chicken!!!

It was super easy and delish! 

It was a little overcooked, but still amazing!  I had it set on low for about 4 hours.  That was probably an hour too long.  I also had toyed with the idea of adding onions and peppers.  I opted not to, only because I wanted to try the recipe as written for the first time, before I altered anything.  I served over white rice and steamed broccoli.  The recipe itself doesn't make enough sauce (in my opinion)  I think next time I will double the recipe, chicken and all...

About an hour before I want to eat, I will probably add some onions, green and red peppers...and serve over rice.

Can't wait to try it again!!!

http://team-t-adventures.blogspot.com/2010/03/crock-pot-orange-chicken.html

eat and be happy.

With a busy schedule, skill is learned.   I am learning how to fine-tune my multi-tasking skills which at this point, is synonymous with self-survival skills.  I am tapping into my hours of obsessed-pinning,  finding some fabulous recipes and time saving tips!  Learning how to use the crock-pot...trying to keep it all finely balanced. 

I've started a new diet plan, which has been a grand success...just a few weeks in and I've lost several inches so far and I'm inching closer to my goal!  The best part of the diet is that I'm not counting points, calories, grams of protein, carbs, fat or sugar...only catch, I can only eat 8 hours a day.   I do need to pay attention to what I'm eating, but for the most part, I eat pretty well.  I love that there is room for a little indulgence.  Overall, it allows me lenience with just enough structure.  I do still need to be adamant in scheduling my workouts, I think it would make such a difference if I was completing my workouts without fail.  Still room to grow...it's a good thing.

I have been missing my time in the kitchen.  I hate it that weight-loss has become so much about denial of the foods I love.  I'd like to shift my focus to eating less processed food and preservatives...more home-cooked meals.  Yesterday I made homemade cookies and the whole family has loved them!  I can't remember the last time I made homemade cookies...how sad is that!?!

This recipe is most definitely a family keeper!

http://www.food.com/recipe/white-chocolate-chip-cranberry-oatmeal-cookies-112683

I doubled the recipe but I made a little mistake, instead of doubling the vanilla and adding a tsp I added a TBSP and as usual, I added a touch more cinnamon!!!  In the last half of the batch, I added chopped walnuts...and I wouldn't change a thing!

DE-lish!

Tonight, I am attempting Orange Chicken in the crock-pot. 

http://team-t-adventures.blogspot.com/2010/03/crock-pot-orange-chicken.html

Looks fantastic...we shall see!

pause button?

And we're off!  It has been non-stop movement from the first day of school!  The calendar is filling up quickly and my to-do list is multiplying at bewildering rate.  I wrote my first email to the staff on Friday.  I kept it light-hearted and a bit witty...I sent it off and then worried that I may have botched it with my dry and sometimes misunderstood humor.  Ah well.

C'est la'vie.

stress much?

So yesterday it happened.  I was waiting for it...and it wasn't coming.  I was a little nervous wondering WHY I hadn't had that freak-out moment and wondering when it was going to hit me like a rabid rhino.

Just an average afternoon it was morphing into...the girls were enjoying some lazy time, which I have gladly welcomed this last week of summer.  Next week kicks off the beginning of non-stop movement.  I have been strategically getting myself organized (slowly and figuratively)...putting my plan in order, if you will.  Reading, responding and sending out my emails...

I totally got this!

Except.

Now I'm making decisions.  Decisions.  Decisions that people can be critical about and that I have to answer for.  I can't just say whateeeever I want, then again, I just may...but I'll answer for it!

Holy responsibility batman. I'm not sure I'm mature enough for this???

And I feel it.  My attention tunes out and my brain goes to white noise.  My heart races and I start sweating, my arms go numb, I need air, but there is no air, I am going to hyperventilate.  This is GO time. 

And this is when an amazing thing happens.  I just recognize. I recognize how little I am in this big-big world.  And how 'most' every thing I do is a motion to make something better.  I give so much of myself to service, volunteer work and I am passionate.  And if people want to be critical...well then I might be angry and I will most likely cry; and then I will pull my big girls pants up and I will move on.

This is when I stop, close out my three email accounts.  Shut the 17 calendars I have open and take a few deep breaths.  I eat a pop tart (carbs - good.)  I make myself some tea and I take some more deep breaths.  And then, I decided the best thing for me to do in that moment was to channel that emotion and energy into sending some encouragement to a friend back home who is struggling with all that she's navigating on her plate.  And perspective returns to me.  I can breathe again.

And so I took my girls shopping.  A little dysfunction keeps us healthy, I always say.

the race to the finish line.

And so it goes.  The lazy days of summer come to a close...and we are counting the hours.  Today will be spent  going through clothes, tossing those that have gotten too small or are stained and replacing them with freshly washed, brand new school clothes.  Fresh white socks, never worn sneakers, back packs that still crinkle with newness...lunch boxes that are not yet stained and stinky.  Anticipation is buzzing...how will everyone have changed over the summer?  Kids will have grown, gotten even more goofy, or rotten...or cute???  Teachers are putting their final preps on their classrooms while the students are home sleeping-in for these last few mornings.  And the Mothers, are counting down the hours...

That sweet first day of school...the hours of having a silent house in which nothing moves.  Do I hit the ground running or do I crawl back in bed???  As tempting as it sounds, I look forward to falling into routine.  I look forward to having time to get my agenda done so that I can focus on the girls when the school day is over.  I didn't get nearly the amount of organization done that I thought I would over the summer...however, flip the coin, and I played alot more than I had planned.  We had a lovely relaxed and playful summer, I couldn't ask for more.

I have created a very detailed plan for myself...to keep the mommy, wife, Thrive consultant and PTA President in full swing...AND kicking off a refreshed focus on my diet and fitness goals.  I have maintained my 20lbs of weight loss over the summer, which was reaching a goal in itself!  Now it's time to get down to business, in every sense of the word.

Five days and counting...

yesterday, today, tomorrow

There are two days in every week about which we should not worry.
Two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.

One of these days is yesterday with its mistakes and cares,
Its faults and blunders, Its aches and pains.
Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control.
All the money in the world cannot bring back yesterday.
We cannot undo a single act we performed.
We cannot erase a single word we said. Yesterday is gone.

The other day we should not worry about is tomorrow.
With its possible adversities, Its burdens,
Its large promise and poor performance.
Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control.
Tomorrow’s Sun will rise, either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds,
but it will rise.
Until it does, we have no stake in tomorrow, for it is yet unborn.
This just leaves only one day . . . Today.
Any person can fight the battles of just one day.
It is only when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternity’s -
yesterday and tomorrow that we break down.
It is not the experience of today that drives people mad.
It is the remorse or bitterness for something which happened yesterday
and the dread of what tomorrow may bring.

Let us therefore live but one day at a time.

~ Author Unknown ~

and the hormones take this round.

We had to take a little trip to the doctor yesterday, Ella wasn't feeling well :(  sad face.

At the end of our visit, I mentioned that I have been having a little trouble with my face.  My complexion, to be exact, has been that of a teenage girl...and has gone from being an annoyance, to down right embarrassing to go in public.  Dr. Dufresne (whom I love-love-love) asked what I had tried and I responded that I have tried most of the teenage acne products in general.  He smirked, and ever so gently offered some advice.  Steer clear from teenage products..."at this stage, you'll want to seek out products for 'maturing skin'" he says.

.....and my inner child wept.

I had to stop and contemplate my options here...should I go home and research the product lines for maturing skin?....I think not, I'm not going home without something to try...this needs to be fixed - like yesterday!  Do I order products? ...takes too long for shipping...bollocks!  My only option was to suck it up and head over to the pharmacy and ASK for the best products for 'maturing' skin...

HUGE improvements, overnight, the change in products have made such a difference...and I am thankful.  However, I will say...it is just sad that we live in a society that categorizes "29" in 'maturing skin' status. 

WHATever.

shelf reliance...my newest venture.

what do you thrive on???

http://sara_cotnoir.shelfreliance.com/sara_cotnoir/

just be still...

We are officially in the month of August.  Hard to believe, but it's time to start prepping for the upcoming year.  The girls are choosing...dance or cheerleading.  The hubby is finishing up his summer projects and collecting wood for the winter...and I have decided now is the time to kick off my Thrive.  As well as serve in the Primary AND act as the PTA president...AND work on my diet & fitness goals...this is going to be a busy year!  My goal is to not let myself get washed away by it all... therefore, my focus is on building my foundation strong.

We had the opportunity to go to the Boston Temple on Saturday, barely...after a rigorous week at camp, but we tried like heck to make it, and we did!  It was well worth the hustle because for just a moment I was able to be still and calm.  I sat in the celestial room, with people that I love dearly, and I looked around - taking it all in.  I was looking at the marble pillars that stand so tall and strong and act as guards in this vast room of sheer gorgeousness.  So clean and quiet.  What it would be like to live in that environment.  I keep thinking that if I put my spirituality and my God first, that will be my personal pillar in my home....as I try and juggle it all.  And I'd like to think that I can.

"Be still, and know that I am God..."
Psalm 46

meatless monday.

"The US Meatless Monday campaign was launched in 2003 in association with the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health -- and now, the "cut out meat one day a week" program is active in 23 countries and growing! The campaign’s simple message allows each nation to bring its unique culture, customs and cuisine to the table. Join the movement. It's good for your nation's health, good for the planet!"

http://www.meatlessmonday.com/

The website offers endless benefits to going meatless just one meal a week...everything from reducing your carbon footprint to lowering your risk of obesity, diabetes, heart disease and cancer.  I must admit...I was a skeptic, but if you take into consideration, how much of the meat we have access to is ridden with chemicals and hormones and the lovely processing to boot.  I'll gamble that eliminating some of that saturated fat does the body good.  Why not.  We might not be ready to strip our entire diet of all animal product and go all vegan with our bad-selves, but I can most certainly get a little adventurous and explore some vegetarian recipes.

For lunch today I threw together a MorningStar spicy black bean burger, a toasted multigrain sandwhich thin which I then slathered with dijon mustard and smashed avocado.  I will admit I was a little unprepared as my lettuce mixture had gone bad, but i did slice up a little yellow onion which gave a delicious crunch and flavor to the ensemble.

Deeeee-lish!  I'm thinking I could eat it again for dinner....

the battle of the brownie.

Every girl, at one time or another needs to give themselves permission to just eat a whole batch of brownies.  I love brownies.  Come Sunday, I start craving a batch of brownies.  I keep searching for a magical recipe that will give me permission to eat the whole batch without guilt.  And so, I have run a little experiment...and I have enjoyed every single lick of it!

Experiment #1 - brownie mix + one can of diet coke; this was an interesting combination.  The mixture turned out very runny.  The brownies turned out a little soft and gooey, I'm thinking Jeremy may have taken them out a little too early.  They were tasty, very sweet and definitely satisfying.  I think maybe I should make them again...just to see if the texture would be a little different cooked a little bit longer.

Experiment #2 - brownie mix + one can of black beans.  I rinsed the beans and filled up the can with water,  covering the beans.  Liquefied the beans in the blender and mixed with the brownie mix.  The mixture was much thicker and turned out very cakey (almost dry)  The taste was good, there was a very distinct earthy aftertaste.  I found them somewhat satisfying but left me wanting more...

Experiment #3 - brownie mix + one can of white beans.  Again I rinsed and liquefied the beans and mixed them with the brownie mix.  My thought was if the black beans were a little too earthy, maybe the white beans would have a lighter edge.  Two thumbs down.  This was the worst of all the experiments!!!  The brownies were pretty much awful.  There was no flavor, no cake-like texture, no gooey...no nuthin.  FAIL.

...so I guess, it is my job to create a carb free, zero calorie brownie.  no prob.

summer blues.

I had a conversation recently with a fellow stay-at-home-mother, about life being so busy.  Her perspective, much like mine, was coming from a place of filling her time with so much...that she barely had time for her kids.  She was feeling guilty and pulling back from other activities.  It made me stop to ask myself, why AM I a stay-at-home-mother?  Sometimes I get so wound up it would be more accurate to refer to me as a fire-breathing-dragon.  And  I most certainly don't stay at home so I can be there for my children's every beck & call...although I don't think the girls have figured that out yet.  I am home, because when my girls were small...I didn't want them to spend majority of their toddler life somewhere other than home.  I wanted to lay the foundation of our values and belief system, who they were and be a part of even the littlest moments.   I want to be here so they are free to invite friends over and have mom here... I want to be home when they are teenagers and need that adult supervision to stop them from doing stupid and hormonal things (or at least, stop some of the stupid and hormonal things they will do...) and I want to be here when they need someone to talk to...

Don't get me wrong, I have many friends who absolutely love their careers and juggle the two very well.  I know some women who feel they weren't cut out to be a stay-at-home-mother, but feel refreshed when they come home from work to their children. I love that honesty and it is proof positive that there is more than one way to skin a cat.  I have spoken with many who feel that daycare has given their children a sense of self and independence that they wouldn't have developed under mommy's wings.  I totally get that.  And then there are the haters...that talk a bunch of trash about bon-bon eating, soap opera watching stay-at-home-mothers.  I'm just gonna throw it out there, that I've heard those very same individuals throw out a whistful...

 and I QUOTE..."then I could stay at home with the kids..." 

The irony was not lost on me, I assure you.  I would never call them on it, but I have to admit....I did the inner gloat and maybe even the BOOYA dance just a little bit.  If I had a penny for every time I heard "oh, but you wouldn't understand...you're a stay-at-home" "how could you be so busy...what do you do?"  "I would have a perfect house if I was a stay-at-home" "I am so busy at work...would you mind?"   I get more phone calls from people asking me for my time, because I am a stay-at-home...what else do I have to do with my time???  Don't get me wrong, I love to help.  But I don't necessarily want to watch other peoples children because their daycare closed. I have sympathy for the situation, but the reason I budget our household is so my girls don't have to go to daycare...and we thankfully don't have to deal with the woes of daycare.  Just because my girls are home...certainly doesn't mean I want to take on three more so someone can 'get away' and go play golf for the afternoon!  There is a reason why I only had two children, because I only have the mental capacity for two and I was realistic with my limits....I didn't enjoy pregnancy and the whole 'baby & toddler' phase scared the holy hell out of me...not my piece of pie (if you know what I mean) 

A little piece of me wonders if people think the life of a 'stay-at-home' is like, every day being the most blissful of "Saturdays"...we wake up, I make a lovely breakfast for my family - in my robe and slippers, read the paper and pick up around the house....maybe do a project in the garden, make lunch that we eat out on the deck.   I drink a splendid cup of herbal tea before I enjoy an afternoon snooze...and then I wake up (with that rested cat-stretch and yawn of course) feeling refreshed only to don my apron and create an exquisite meal that I found on none other than marthastewart.com.  After dinner we play board games and take tubbies and then I read my girls a bedtime story before we say our family prayers.  Then I sing sweetly to them while they drift off to slumber-land.

Let me reassure any one of you, if it does exist-it does not exist in this house.  I am constantly moving and on the go...friends over here or going over there, going to the park, swimming at Woodbury, going to the movies...sleepovers and summer camp? (did I really think that was a good idea...really?) I have to schedule in my housework, otherwise it won't get done...I have to get up, before the girls, to fit in my workout...otherwise it doesn't get done...my calendar for any given month is full by the time we get to the first day...we make plans with friends 3 weeks ahead of time...we schedule lunch dates while the girls are at school so we can enjoy just the two of us.  We deal with stomping feet, rolling eyes, tears & screeching on a daily basis...I can't figure out why I can't make a meal plan and stick with it...but mainly I think it's because we really aren't sure what nights we'll actually be home to eat the lovely meals I have chosen...between school, dance, activity days, church callings, PTA, volunteering in the classrooms, shelf reliance, meetings for any one of the committees I serve on, remembering appointments for any one of the four of us, managing our budget, grocery shopping,  housework AND with whatever energy I can muster....trying to keep the romance alive after 10 years is an absolute must!  Life is insanity....every day.  And if I should have a 'down day'  I savor every last minute of it.  They are few and far between, but they happen.

I must say, our life is full of joy.  I love it, and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world....but there are moments.  Moments when I am thankful for the hours my girls are at school.  When I can multitask and run errands in silence.  When the car is quiet, sometimes I don't even listen to music.  Sometimes I'm so lost in thought, I don't even realize the music is on.  I am thankful that I have those hours to get life in order, even just a little bit, so I can actually listen to my girls talk about their day...and help with homework and make dinner.  We are almost exactly in the middle of summer break and I'm feeling like...I need a break.  Days are just running into each other at this point and  the splendor of summer is starting to wear on me a bit.  We run-run-run,stop at the house, drop off some stuff, pick up some other stuff and we run-run-run some more...sure, it's all fun & games...but I'm exhausted!  A couple of hours without hearing..."mommy, mom, mom, mom, mommy....MOMMY!" would feel like a vacation!  But alas, next weekend the girls and I will leave for summer camp and as I prepare I often think to myself...

Thank goodness I am a stay-at-home-mother and I can experience summer camp with my girls...our life is indeed blessed.  In some small way, I have decided, chaos is bliss <3

to veeg or not to veeg.

Confession: Jeremy and I are not exactly the best at resolutions.  I blame a little on our tendency to get bored and a lot on our busy lifestyle.  We tend to stick with something for a few weeks.  Just long enough to see good or bad results and then we either get busy or our focus shifts to yet another resolution of interest.  This is truthfully why things like our marriage catches me by surprise.  For one or both of us to stay interested in the other and in the struggles that a marriage can bring...it surprises me...is that bad?  Maybe, but it's honest. Not to say there haven't been ALOT of bumps and bruises along the way...I must say, I doubted anyone could keep my attention for my whole life. We truly are devoted to each other and at the rate of divorce these days...what are the odds we find each other and get it right?  Religion is another issue that has blown my ever-loving mind a bit.  After all of the discussions over the years and trying so many different non-denominational services, I was more than a little bit surprised when Jeremy really felt he wanted to take the missionary discussions.  So much that, I wasn't sure if he understood that the Latter-day Saints don't just go to church, it is a lifestyle - a belief that is lived and breathed mind, body and soul. Again, what are the odds?  When our family was sealed in the temple, we were in awe that not only had we diligently embraced our faith and the lifestyle that went along with it...but it was making us stronger and happier with each step.

And now: Vegan?  ...seriously?  can I even do it? 

It's not even so much the meat, I'm not a huge meat eater in the first place.  I do love my chicken and I love my fish...although, I don't eat fish as often as I'd like...but Sushi?  Can I really give up Sushi?  It makes me sad to even contemplate never having Sushi again!  What about having meat on occasion, like, holidays and maybe an anniversary Sushi dinner?  Is that considered a taboo crime in the Vegan society? I think I could do Vegetarian...95% of the time.  It might scare me a little bit to rid our life of all animal products...eggs?  I love eggs!  Milk? ...I guess we aren't true  lovers of milk in this house, but I use it a lot...and Jeremy likes it in his protein shakes.  Although milk now has so many alternatives, I almost think that could be considered a non-issue.  I have thought a lot about the whole 'eat clean' revolution.  Rid your bodies of the processed junk and chemicals...I get it, that would be amazing.  But I must say...there is a reason WHY food addiction is so prevalent...because these foods are AMAZING!  And what, I would like to know, do Vegans eat for junk food?  Junk food can be life-saving when you just need 'something'...mainly during those tumultuous hormonal weeks.  And what about soda?  I have been very comfortable in my soda consumption.  I have given up ALL of my vices...including coffee & tea...so if I want to drink a diet coke...well then, I'm going to drink one.  I think my body might go on a violent protest should I deny the sweet chemical-ridden joy of diet coke.  I'm quite sure, a detox process of this proportion would need medical supervision.

Leaves me to wonder what my husband is thinking about all of this?

a walk along the coast of good intentions...

Stone Cairns - Sacred Expressions article  by Cynthia Morin for Spirit of Eureka magazine

Tonight we grabbed a quick dinner with the girls and went down to the Gardiner waterfront.  Afterward, Jeremy wanted to walk a little trail to explore with the girls.  As we walked we began to notice these rock stacks that are quite impressive if you really stop and contemplate the art.  We stepped off the beaten path and unexpectedly ended up walking on a beach where we found even more breath-taking formations.  Some practice rock balancing as an artform while others balance rocks with great intention and as a meditation.  Tonight as I walked along appreciating the beauty of these unlikely works of art, it made me miss the time that I experimented with meditation and how it did quiet my being and bring me to a more introspective corner of my soul.  I find prayer does bring me that quiet, but not in the same way as attempting to clear my mind completely.  Although, trying to quiet all of the personalities did cause quite a schitzophrenic panic...but the girls learned to cooperate after a while.  Maybe I should go gather up some rocks and give these ladies a project!

Just another thing to add to my to do list...
# 926453728: think nothing. balance rocks.

to be or not to be.

Consistency.  The most difficult of all challenges.  To be consistent in parenting is said to be the hardest part.  To consistently eat healthy, exercise...write in a journal.  How does one stay on a consistent schedule when life is out of control CRAZY???  Our life is busy!  As much as it can be overwhelming at times...I think we like it that way.  We love to make plans with people we love and friends we enjoy...we love to have friends over...we love to experience new things with our girls...but it keeps life forever in the fast lane.

If I was going to be perfectly honest...I am enjoying the lazy days of summer.  I have not been getting up at the break of dawn, I'd get more done if I was.  I haven't been sticking to a rigid workout schedule or a consistent diet, my weight wouldn't have plateaued if I had...and if I'm not careful, I will start to gain it back.  That would be de-vestating.  Unfortunately my body-type needs that strict program. 

However, taking into consideration the positive.  I am still wearing clothes that I haven't fit into in years.  And most important...mind, body and spirit is more balanced than I, probably, have ever been in my life.  I am happy, I am healthy, I have a strong marriage and two happy healthy girls.  I'll figure out the schedule...someday?

9 amazing years.

Today Jeremy and I celebrate 9 amazing years.  These years have not been perfect, by any means....there has been much turmoil and sadness.  Many mistakes have been made, but much forgiveness has been forgiven.  When one felt weak the other stepped up to show strength, when one felt lost the other has been the beacon.  We made a bold move leaving the Marine Corps and moving to Maine...but we have made this our home and built an amazing life.  Our life is not perfect, we still have a lot of work to do on our house, cars, gardens, property and many-many-many goals to reach.  We have faith in our home, we have trust for each other and unmeasurable love for our children.  Jeremy and I still have a humor that make each other laugh out loud, we still love to cook in the kitchen together, we love to sit and talk, we love our faith, we still have passion for one another and a passion for this crazy little life that we live.  I am so thankful for that night we bumped into each other at the little store on base, that he invited me out and that I said yes.  Best decision I ever made.

"For it was not into my ear you whispered but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul." Judy Garland

To the woman who's made me a better man each year for 9 years, I love you, and Happy Anniversary!
Defying the odds with you, happily, and making our marriage stronger as time goes on, you are the best reason for me to wake up in the morning!
I LOVE YOU!

...what can I say?  I'm a lucky gal.

workin' it out.

It's day two of my morning workouts and I feel fantastic!  Granted, it's only day two and it's torture pulling myself out of bed knowing it's summer and the kids don't need to be woken up and I could most likely sleep later....I also know that I'm utilizing free time, and so just this once...logic trumps indulgence.  My focus has been on high reps on the Total Gym.  I absolutely love-love-love the Total Gym and the theory of weight resistance.  I love it that it's at home, no excuses allowed, and that I can fold it up and stuff it in a corner!  I do however feel that I am not kicking it into high gear as far as fitting in some cardio and I know, at this point...that's going to be the key to reaching my goal.  I only did this workout once through as well as a short routine on the Total Gym.  I don't want to burn myself out in the first week, so I'm relying on the 'slow and steady wins the race' theory.

I found quite a few of these compact full body workouts.  I think to avoid the plateau of muscle memory, I'll do a different workout every week.  And as much as I hate running I think it's time to invest in a treadmill.  Jeremy and I have been wavering on what cardio machine we should buy and I keep coming back to a fold up treadmill.  With our long winters and questionable weather patterns, it would be nice to have access to a good workout all year round.  Stationary bikes & ellipticals just don't offer the same satisfaction as a...(I hate to say it...) good ol'fashion run.

But for now, I am satisfied.

monkey bread anyone?

Nothing sweetens up an evening like a batch of Monkey Bread...so thankful Hattie shared this little bit of monkey magic!

Monkey Bread
1-2 cans of biscuit dough
Bowl of sugar (splenda) mixed with cinnamon
Bowl of melted butter (3-4 tbsp)
Spray bunt pan with cooking spray and sprinkle with sugar/cinnamon mixture.  Cut uncooked biscuits into fourths, roll into balls and roll each ball in the sugar/cinnamon mixture.  Place balls in the prepared bunt pan occasionally drizzling melted butter over the layers.

Cook @ 350 for 20-30 minutes

*Note - Monkey Bread is hazardous to a carb-conscious diet

Enjoy!

family home evening

One of the aspects that I love about our church is the emphasis that is put on strengthening the family unit and the home.  We are so busy that at times it feels we are constantly on the go and 'home' feels like the rally point...drop & go.  I know that as the girls get older life will become a cyclone of activity and I am prepared for that.  If I want my girls to be active and become well rounded individuals, then we will have to be willing participants.  However, what I've noticed is that now we've fallen into a comfort zone...all is well in Zion.  Much like a dieter who has finally reached that ultimate goal might say, "I'm thin now, I don't need to count calories."  Letting our guard down, even just a little bit, might cause us to fail to recognize the weakening of our resolve.  We have made a commitment to changing our lives, walk in the ways of our Savior and to teach our children.  I want my girls to have a core of faith that will be unshakable when they leave our home.  As much as time spent together is time well spent, we can't allow an outing for ice cream and a walk replace the great value of teaching the gospel principles in our home.

“We have a family home evening program once a week [Monday night] across the Church in which parents sit down with their children. They study the scriptures. They talk about family problems. They plan family activities and things of that kind. I don’t hesitate to say if every family in the world practiced that one thing, you’d see a very great difference in the solidarity of the families of the world” (interview, Boston Globe, 14 Aug. 2000).

http://www.lds.org/ensign/2003/03/family-home-evening?lang=engI

I need to strengthen my own resolve to plan family home evening in our home.  I know the time and effort put into it will benefit our family ten-fold.  I will admit...I have found several blogs with endless prepared FHE lessons.

http://ayearoffhe.blogspot.com/
http://family-home-evenings.com/category/family-home-evening/
http://www.mormonshare.com/fhe/100-fhe-ideas.php

Is there any excuse...really?

focus.

I didn't write at all this weekend.  Fail.

I do, however, feel like I have focus after my carb fast.  Friday night was hard...I was running low on energy and my body was craving a sweet treat like nobody's business...but I made it through the night and did my morning protein routine Saturday morning.  Saturday afternoon I broke my fast with watermelon and a salad topped with grilled chicken.  Not a special meal, but it was aMAZing after two days of protein.

Sunday  I relaxed on the food focus and this morning I was up-n-at'em for a workout.  I've taken a few weeks off so I took it easy as far as the workout itself goes...it won't take much to boost my metabolism at this point, but I do want this to be a part of my daily routine indefinitely which means I need to be consistent.  They say it takes 30 days to establish a habit.  This is precisely why I'm starting at the beginning of the summer vacation.  I'd like to get my routine established so I'm not shell shocked at the beginning of the school year. 

I tried adding 1/2 a scoop of vanilla protein and a teaspoon of chia seeds to my morning galette.  It was dry and flat, not so good. 

I really like trying to keep tabs on what I'm eating using the point system.  It takes a little more time and effort...but it also keeps me accountable.

Time to work on the house.

let go.

uuuuuugh...

Draggin' ass through day #2 of protein.  Must power through.  Day three is known for increased energy.  Not to mention, this time of day is the hardest for me.  Just. Want. Cake. 

First half of the day is the easiest.  Setting a goal to make it through lunch tomorrow. 

We shall see.

optimistic and loving it.

I was encouraged this morning to step on the scale and see that I am only 10 pounds away from my prepreggers goal.  As encouraging as this is, reaching that goal will be when the real work begins.  I say that because even though I'm losing the weight, nothing seems to be going back to the same place.  Bollocks!

Yesterday was the first of my two pure protein days.  Too many all protein days are difficult, especially when it's a hot summer day and I'm craving fruits and salads, but one or two protein days are so very worth it.  In one day I feel such a difference in just the loss of water weight!!!  I know it's not sustainable weight loss, it would come right back if I even looked at a cupcake, but it's encouraging!  This is just the boost that I needed. 

I really like the Dukan Diet. It's pretty easy to understand the parameters of the plan itself.  Self denial is hard, but seeing numbers drop does give the optimism a serious boost!  Last time, I did the Attack Phase, pure protein, for 5 days.  It was a little bit too long...much longer and I think Jeremy would have moved out until I ate some carbs ;) I tend to get a little cranky, I'm not in denial about this.

I love starting my morning with the Oat Bran Galettee:

1 egg white or 3 TBSP egg white substitute
1 1/2 TBSP Oat Bran
2 TBSP fat-free plain Greek Yogurt
1 teaspoon Splenda
*I also add cinnamon; which is approved within the diet code

I top my galette with fat-free plain Greek Yogurt flavored with vanilla, cinnamon and splenda. And I drink a cup of fat free milk, which almost tastes sweet after eating so much meat (I am typically not a meat eater...which makes this all the more difficult for me) 

In a few hours I'll fry up an egg with a nice slice of turkey ham and then I will try to eat quality meats every few hours for the rest of the day.  I stock my fridge with turkey ham, turkey burgers,  deli meats, shrimp, fat-free milk and fat-free plain Greek Yogurt.  The yogurt has been a challenge for me.  I have never and I mean NEVER liked any type of cream or sauce.  I've never eaten sour cream, cream cheese or cottage cheese...I take my sandwiches without mayo and my salads without dressing.  I have had to learn how to flavor my Greek Yogurt to even make it somewhat appealing to eat.  I'm not at the point that I can eat it right out of the carton, but I have all but forgotten the sweetness of  my beloved Yoplait.

When I started adding 'healthy' carbs back into my daily diet I went out of my way to pay attention to the carbs I was eating.  I was shocked to learn that even just 8oz of Cranberry Juice added 32g of carbs to my breakfast.  I added the myfitnessplan app to my phone which has been a great way to analyze a food before I eat it.  The app will actually track what you are eating, but again, it takes time to consistently add in everything you eat.  On the other hand, most diet plans will encourage you to keep a food log so you can track your tendencies.  What I learned from keeping a log was that I was eating good foods, but my portions were off and I was taking in a lot of calories...oy vey.

I have also done a fair share of research about the Weight Watchers program.  The points program is very effective as it keeps you very conscious of how you are racking up your points.  The point make- up of your meals and snacks as well as pacing yourself to save any extra points for a special event or occasion within your week.  There are a few things that I love about the program itself. 

# 1- the points of foods are determined on how healthy a food is and how it impacts your diet.  The healthier the food, the smaller the points...the junkier the food, the higher the points jump.  Logical, but it's something we forget and let's face it...food is an addiction.  There is a reason why high fructose corn syrup is so highly consumed...because it makes food friggin delicious!  HFCS is at the forefront of the weight epidemic.  Until we go back to the basics, eat less processed food and start eating out of our gardens...it's not going to change.

#2 - exercise...get moving!!!  I certainly can't toot my own horn when it comes to a consistent workout program.   I enjoy working out, but I struggle to find the time and the energy.  I may not be in the gym constantly, but I am always on the go.  It's not like I'm a soap-opera-diva popping bon bons over here, it's more of my trying to juggle 846 things at once!  When I get into a routine and make a consorted effort...I feel fantastic.  When I get off track and lose my momentum...it's difficult to hop back on that pony.

#3 - balance.  You can eat healthy and still have your cake too.  Just not a whole cake.  I love adding sweets into my meal plan, so I know that I am feeding the beast but keeping it at bay. Sometimes eating a donut is magical...a dozen not so much.  That said, should you wreak havoc and eat a package of cookies (in one sitting)...count your points and move on.  Don't give up.

Workouts start Monday <333

one pound at a time.

I am a carbaholic.  If I steer clear - I'm all set.  But one little lick of frosting can ensue a feeding frenzy much like that of a starved hostage.  I have found little tricks of the trade.  I keep little dark chocolate squares in the refrigerator so after my meal I can have just a little something sweet that won't result in the eating of an entire cake.  I don't go near krispie kreme donuts and I've stopped strolling through the bakery, we don't need to tempt fate.  I try not to bake, sadly I absolutely love baking!  Thank goodness I didn't become a professional baker...I'd be 800 pounds!!!

I wish I could say I am confident enough to gain 40 pounds and still strut my stuff like nobody's business...but I'm definitely not.  Does that make me shallow?  Maybe, I'll own it.  I will admit I haven't been too excited about the toll the last ten years has taken on my figure.  I enjoy loving how I look and I enjoy my husband loving how I look.  He goes out of his way to say all the cutesy little encouraging husband things like "you are beautiful to me..."  "I love you just the way you are..." But what I hear is "sure, back fat is sexy...I LOVE back fat."  I tend to gain weight easily but struggle to shed it.  Add a decade of slowing metabolism, stress of life, different medications and lifestyle changes that has resulted in my seeking comfort in my tantalizing bakery items.

The other twist in this love-triangle of food is that I LOVE nutrition...I love to read about it, talk about it and encourage others to lead healthy lives.  For the most part we are a healthy family, but we tend to operate in waves.  We'll be very healthy...but then we get super busy and preoccupied, and that is when we dip into the take-out pool.  Of course we find it awfully refreshing...and who likes to get out of the pool??? Life is just so much more convenient when food is prepared for you!  I am a stay-at-home-mother and I absolutely love to cook, but there is something about having prepared food at your fingertips that is just magical.  It's one thing I don't have to plan, prep and usually...clean up is a snap.  Add lack of convenience with a lack of time to workout  and naturally the equation equals back fat.

And so, here I am...a recovering carbaholic with back fat that I don't want.  To date, I have lost 25lbs but that leaves 15lbs and some (or a ton of) toning to do.   I have maintained my weight loss, which is positive...but now I need to kick it into high gear again.  According to a local women's clinic, they run a weight loss program six weeks on and six weeks off.  It sounds counter-productive, but I'm thinking I understand the strategy.   For the past few weeks my body has relaxed and gotten comfortable (maybe even a little soft)...so when I kick it back into ninja mode...it will give my metabolism another boost.  I must say the last 10 lbs wasn't incredibly difficult to lose, it was all about being consistent.  Even weight watchers gives a little "fudge-room" (pardon the pun) to have a little treat now and then so strict denial doesn't result in binging.  So, if I happen to eat a whole cake every now and again...I shouldn't let it set me completely off course.

So here it goes...today and tomorrow are pure protein days.  This is the kick off to my final phase.  My goal is to put the time and energy into making the meal plans, preparing the food and doing some kick-ass work outs that will get me back into my pre-preggers jeans.  If I can create 8 week-long meal plans, I can rotate those throughout the school year.  And let's not be silly...there are blogs out there with already made meal plans...score!  All I need to do is adjust and tweak according to my families taste and voila! We have made incredible strides to lead healthy lives and teach our girls to have healthy attitudes about addiction, food and sense of self.  I try to not let these internal struggles  project onto my girls.  The last thing I want is to end up with a couple of scarf-&-barf teenagers!  However, I don't think it's necessarily negative for them to see me work hard to reach my goals to make healthy lifestyle changes.

The heights by great men reached and kept,
Were not attained by sudden flight,
But they, while their companions slept,
Were toiling upward in the night.
~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I'm thinking this summer is off to a good start.  I've kicked off my blog and my diet and it's only the first week...I have all summer to work on my house ;) 

first day of summer.

There is something magical about watching fireworks with my girls.  Watching them cheer and clap makes me wish I could slow the down the sands of time just a little.  I am loving this age...their silly little dances and endless routines.  Their jokes and anecdotes, hearing about their little school girl crushes and giggles.  Marvelling at how they already have every lyric to the most popular songs memorized.  These are the things that make mommyhood magical.

faith over fear.

I was reading this morning and a reference was made to  (1 John 4:18)  "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear"

My mind trailed off of the subject of the talk I was reading as I thought about my own life and tendencies.  What is the fear that stems from love?  For instance...I love so deeply and so wholly that my greatest fear is..."when will the bottom drop out?"  It's not that I have a perfect life, but I love the life I have.  I love that I have a husband who still laughs at me and makes me laugh...and that our home is not laden with dysfunction.  Or rather, we have a healthy amount of dysfunction...life would be dreadfully boring without just enough dysfunction to keep it  laced with humor.  I have two beautiful girls who are healthy and have bright futures.  Laying the foundation of healthy lives and traditions with them is an honor....and I look to the future with hope and anticipation.

That said, there is a dark side to all of my gratefulness, and that is fear.  The knowledge that in just a blink of an eye it could all be taken away.  Although it sounds morbid, this truly could be a paralyzing fear for me.  If I allowed myself to dwell in it...and I can say, for a short while I went to that place, and I dwelled in it.  It took years to unravel those fears and replace them with healthy parameters.  I remember one time in particular when I was in a grocery store and I didn't like how this man looked at Skye (she must have been around 12 months)  That fear started a domino effect of possible scenarios that resulted in a paralyzing panick attack in the bathroom stall of that store and ultimately led to my seeking help and medication for anxiety.

Years later and a few different therapist's later, whom hold a special place in my heart...each of them...in their own dysfunctional ways.  I have yet to meet a therapist that wasn't just a little dysfunctional themselves, which might be why I related to them so well (lightbulb!)  But years later, I am here.  Loving my life and constantly trying to keep my fear in balance with my faith.  I only wish I could cultivate this perfect love to eliminate my fear, but that is where my faith kicks in.  It is my deepest desire to cultivate the type of faith that allows me to fully trust.  I have no control over the greater plan, but I do trust that I will find depth and meaning in all the triumphs as well as trials of this life I live.

ready. set. GO!

The countdown to the end of the summer has already begun.  My #1 goal...get myself organized.  Is it possible to accomplish that in one summer and maintain it for a lifetime?  I'd like to think so.  There was a time in my life when I considered myself an organized person...within reason.  Add a husband and two girls to the equation and forgettaboudit.  Becoming a mother was such a blessing as it gave meaning and purpose to my  ever-so-wind-driven life...However, I had no idea just how much I would be altered.  Beyond the obvious physical, emotional and mental adjustments one makes as a mommy, there are countless unforeseen adaptations that takes place, that we don't even notice until one day you think to yourself..."when did I get so use to seeing fingerprints that I don't even bother cleaning them off of windows, mirrors, cabinets, kitchen chairs...televisions anymore???  Million dollar idea...start a company that will go in and rid a home of tiny little fingerprints that come in countless flavors, just to name a few...pizza sauce, ice cream, chocolate, marshmallow, peanut butter & or jelly, juice of any flavor, butter, frosting, ketchup, mustard...candy of any sort and toothpaste...without fail.  I can assure anyone, this could be a weekly service as fingerprints miraculously show up within minutes of cleaning a surface of any type.  Who knew that when I became a mother mini-fingerprints would even be a thought on my radar???  And laundry?  I have raised the white flag of the laundry debacle.  I have a suspicion that articles of clothing literally mate and reproduce.  I just can't seem to find a logical explanation HOW four people (two adults and two mini divas) can possibly create a gazillion loads of laundry...weekly.  Because of this laundry anomaly I have adjusted my thinking in two ways: #1-buy more clothing.  I can and will guarantee that there will be clean clothing in any given drawer at any given time.  Whether or not clothing will match or be a 'favorite' is another story, in which case I refer you to thought #2- clean clothes are clean clothes whether or not they come from a basket of unfolded laundry or neatly folded piles...you are welcome to dive in.  Don't judge me.
My goal, before the summer is over, is to create a sort of magical plan that will help me morph into this super-charged mommy that can wake up in the wee hours of the morning, read my scriptures so that I am feeding my spirituality and living in tune with the spirit that I might guide my girls through the storms and valleys of life.  Get my workout done so I can achieve AND maintain a  smokin' hot figure...I'm a mommy not a nun after all (okay fine...and so I can be a living example of good health in all it's glory)  Send the girls off cheerfully with well balanced organic lunches, have a spotless house with all things placed neatly where they belong, laundry clean-folded AND put away.  Volunteer in the girls classrooms, so they know how much I value their education, as well as balance the responsibility of being the PTA president (with a smile). Have a weekly meal plan so that I can prepare home-cooked meals that incorporate favorites as well as new dishes to encourage a well rounded palette.  Plant a garden so my family is eating only the most nutritious of organic foods grown right in our back yard! Keep us organized despite the countless appointments, meetings, committees, playdates, dance practices & church functions.  Find "me" time, time to nourish those ever-so-important female friendships that us women need to maintain our sanity... AND still have energy to keep it saucy in the bedroom.  It does exist doesn't it?  What cap & cape do I have to don to tap into these superhero expectations???
And so, I start here with this blog as my attempt at one of my goals.  To journal.  Journaling is such a romantic word to call the writing down of one's thoughts.  Diary sounds naughty...like it is the keeper of secrets...that needs a lock.  Journaling sounds studious.   Like one who journals has something of worth that should be read for inspiration.  Blogging feels appropriate for me.  I don't know that I have anything of worth or even of interest for anyone to read, furthermore, I don't know that my thoughts should be available for anyone to read...  More often than not, expressing what I am really thinking results in offending at least one person.  Not the most desirable trait for the PTA president to possess...stay tuned to see how that works out.  And this is why I pray daily for a little bit of grace that I might maneuver with ease rather than my typical clumsy footwork through this crazy little thing called life.