live to eat....or eat to live.

I have a serious love affair (addiction) with my food.  I absolutely love everything about nutrition and learning about food and how it nurtures our bodies and how our bodies accept and reject foods.  I read about it, understand it and (for the most part) apply it...except.  Except when it comes down to the forsaken.  The sweets.

I have done so well to eliminate foods from my diet. I will not touch a donut.  I made that decision years ago, when I decided I was going to lose the weight...donuts were a HUGE (pardon the pun) obstacle for me, so I decided we would have to part ways...as well as scones, cakes, pies, brownies...pastries in general, fudge, rocky road ice cream....and I lost some weight.  Voila!  Even better, I've maintained the weight loss.  I'm not where I would like to be.  But I know, at this point, I need to kick it into high gear.  Which, I have been slowly gearing up to do.  I have the plan, I have the tools, I've been running to increase my endurance.   Doing all the right things....right?  Well for love of everything unholy...I can NOT keep a dessert out of my mouth to save my everloving life.  Yesterday, I bought cookie dough to make cookies for the bake sale, and I pretty much ate my weight in cookie dough!  WHAT?  One would think after a few bites I would stop myself....and I considered it, but I didn't stop. Oh no.  I did not stop.  Not only did I NOT stop...but after my workout, I had McDs!  Only because our schedule has been so crazy and going from the gym straight to the school for our fabulous flamin' raymin show...but whatever-- no excuses here, so McDs it is.  I did not get the grilled chicken snack wrap, hold the sauce...I got the burger WITH the EFFING fries (WTF is wrong with me???)  One might say, "Sara...get a hold of yourself!"...but I did not stop there.  OH NO.  Staring at a table full of brownies & cookies (that I had already had my fair share of, ahem.) cupcakes...and wouldn't you know it...I spy fruity pebbles marshmallow treats.  I have ALWAYS wanted to try those...and I so did.  I murderized that beast.  Even when my body was done and wanted no more...it was my brain saying (in a very threatening tone, might I add...)  "you have already done it, you have already eaten most of this delicious tasty children's treat...you are going to FINISH. every. last. bite."

Again today...have I refrained from the rice krispie treats?  or the brownies?  or the brownies with frosting laced with corn flakes (interesting little twist)  Nope.  Those miles I ran last week, were cheapened by my complete lack of commitment in these two days filled with edible sin.  I am weak.  I am so very weak.  I need to break this cycle.  I need to stop the madness!!!

WHAT must I do!?!  I need a detox.  I need a plan.  I need a straight-jacket.  I need a padded room.