stronger...

There is something to be said about feeling your strength increase.  Pounds & inches are slow to show results, but it doesn't take long to feel your endurance & strength increase.  It offers a challenge to keep altering the routine and resistance...and to stay motivated to keep momentum.  I feel awakened.  I am grateful. 

gratitude.

I often have those moments that time slows down just briefly enough to catch a glimpse of my life, almost as if standing on the other side of the window looking in.   I see my girls and my husband and I marvel at how lucky we are to be healthy and happy.  Life most certainly is not one blissful moment after another...we have our share of disagreements and with three girls in the house we have pleanty of screaming!  But I love our crazy.  Life just wouldn't make sense without it.

the dreaded plateau...

After one has lost 30 pounds, one feels elated.  For a short while anyway.  Now I find myself stuck and frustrated.  I eat well, not perfectly clean...I nurse my sweet tooth and have a sorted addiction to diet coke.  Not all day, but a couple every day...not so bad when you consider diet coke replaced wine!  And so now here I wallow, on a plateau of woe & misery. 

What I really want to do is sit and eat a red velvet cake with my bare hands and just squirt the delectable frosting in my mouth...

But I won't.

I will find a way to kick it into high gear....right after my sweet love affair with red velvet.

L.O.V.E.

happy st. patricks day!

This is the third st. pattys day without our three Irish beverages of the past...green beer, guiness & boddington. Sober living has most definitely changed the face of our Irish celebration, but I have embraced the holiday as a fun family festivity...rather than a wicked long hangover.  Tonight I made my first corned beef & cabbage dinner.  The girls were brave, but not fans of the fatty meal.  The husband was kind as it wasn't quite done to perfection.  And, the dessert...a trifle of layered green cake, green vanilla pudding and whipped cream was a grand success. 

To say I've been a lucky gal is a supreme understatement.  I owe a lot to the luck that has given me such a wonderful life that I live.  I might stress & worry my fair share, but only because I treasure this crazy little world that we have created.  We don't have all of the things that we'd like to have, but we have all that we need & more. 

live to eat....or eat to live.

I have a serious love affair (addiction) with my food.  I absolutely love everything about nutrition and learning about food and how it nurtures our bodies and how our bodies accept and reject foods.  I read about it, understand it and (for the most part) apply it...except.  Except when it comes down to the forsaken.  The sweets.

I have done so well to eliminate foods from my diet. I will not touch a donut.  I made that decision years ago, when I decided I was going to lose the weight...donuts were a HUGE (pardon the pun) obstacle for me, so I decided we would have to part ways...as well as scones, cakes, pies, brownies...pastries in general, fudge, rocky road ice cream....and I lost some weight.  Voila!  Even better, I've maintained the weight loss.  I'm not where I would like to be.  But I know, at this point, I need to kick it into high gear.  Which, I have been slowly gearing up to do.  I have the plan, I have the tools, I've been running to increase my endurance.   Doing all the right things....right?  Well for love of everything unholy...I can NOT keep a dessert out of my mouth to save my everloving life.  Yesterday, I bought cookie dough to make cookies for the bake sale, and I pretty much ate my weight in cookie dough!  WHAT?  One would think after a few bites I would stop myself....and I considered it, but I didn't stop. Oh no.  I did not stop.  Not only did I NOT stop...but after my workout, I had McDs!  Only because our schedule has been so crazy and going from the gym straight to the school for our fabulous flamin' raymin show...but whatever-- no excuses here, so McDs it is.  I did not get the grilled chicken snack wrap, hold the sauce...I got the burger WITH the EFFING fries (WTF is wrong with me???)  One might say, "Sara...get a hold of yourself!"...but I did not stop there.  OH NO.  Staring at a table full of brownies & cookies (that I had already had my fair share of, ahem.) cupcakes...and wouldn't you know it...I spy fruity pebbles marshmallow treats.  I have ALWAYS wanted to try those...and I so did.  I murderized that beast.  Even when my body was done and wanted no more...it was my brain saying (in a very threatening tone, might I add...)  "you have already done it, you have already eaten most of this delicious tasty children's treat...you are going to FINISH. every. last. bite."

Again today...have I refrained from the rice krispie treats?  or the brownies?  or the brownies with frosting laced with corn flakes (interesting little twist)  Nope.  Those miles I ran last week, were cheapened by my complete lack of commitment in these two days filled with edible sin.  I am weak.  I am so very weak.  I need to break this cycle.  I need to stop the madness!!!

WHAT must I do!?!  I need a detox.  I need a plan.  I need a straight-jacket.  I need a padded room.

giving thanks.

Looking  back on my life, I can definitely recognize the valleys and the peaks.  I know that I am at a peak right now.  I am blessed to have moments that I feel driven to kneel in prayer and give thanks for this life I have been given.  It's not perfect...we don't have all of the 'things' or the 'money' that we want...but I have countless treasures outside of those categories to be thankful for.  I have been given just a glimpse of how fleeting my time is with the girls...and although patience can be a virtue not often found, as of late, I find myself wanting to hold on to this time with my little ladies.  Marriage after 10 years isn't always a state of bliss, but to look back and see the valleys we've walked through, blind at times, I know that we are blessed to have hung on for dear life.  It was worth it.

I have been giving myself more time these days.  Time to get back in touch with me.  Time to exercise, time to be quiet and think.  Just time.  Because I'm finding out...I'm worth it too.  I have gotten in touch with my inner runner...I had a feeling she was there, I just wasn't very motivated to find her...and I think I like her.  I'm shocked to even think it!

Life is so very strange.  I always suspected that I might be a little backwards, but as friends dread getting older I just love it!  I am loving my thirties!  Love it!

decisions.

There is something daunting about adult decisions.  Especially when it comes to the girls.  Making decisions on their behalf.  Will they love it or will they hate it?  Will it be good for their education or will it hinder their education?  Will they flourish or flounder?

I'm beginning to think this whole "follow your heart" system is flawed.

bollocks.